You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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