about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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