finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
