I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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