You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
