If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
