If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
