I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
