I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
