my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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