somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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