They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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