just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
