Nicole vs. Life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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