you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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