I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
