The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
