i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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