he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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