so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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