At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
