Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
