I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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