i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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