All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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