I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
