You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
