The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
