5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
