did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so let's talk penis.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
