I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
