then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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