hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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