Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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