i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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