I just pynch a tree in the face
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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