is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
