How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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