I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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