she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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