There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I deserve this hangover.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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