I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
