thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
