That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
