Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
