I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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