The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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