I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
