In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can't special order awesome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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