i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to calm my uterus...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
