He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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