Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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