I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is Oprah even human
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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