Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
