My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
zippers are such a cool invention
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
