I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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