Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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