life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
