I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
