if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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