i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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