Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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